Are the Holidays a Meaningful Time to Connect or a Minefield?

The holidays are meant to bring joy, connection, and gratitude — but for many couples, Thanksgiving and Christmas can also bring stress, tension, and emotional overload.

Between juggling family expectations, travel, finances, and those endless decisions about where to spend each holiday, it’s easy for even strong relationships to feel stretched thin. If you’ve ever found yourself arguing about whose family to visit, feeling drained after a few days with relatives, or trying to “keep the peace” while ignoring your own needs — you’re not alone. Almost all the couples I work with deal with this on some level. 

Here are 4 strategies to help you navigate the season:

1. Set clear expectations, together. Before the invitations and travel plans pile up, take an evening to talk honestly about what you each need and want to happen this year. What traditions matter most to each of you? What’s non-negotiable, and what can you let go of?

2. Present a united front to extended family. Once you’ve made your decisions as a couple, communicate them to family as “we” choices — not “he wants to” or “she decided.” Always be the one to communicate plans with your side of the family, and state things as “We’ve decided to _____________ this year.” 

3. Create space for your family. Even if you spend time with extended family, schedule protected time just for the two of you (and your kids if you have them). A quiet morning together, coffee and a devotion before the craziness, or a family night with no outside obligations—and no cell phones!—can help you stay connected and at peace.

4. Give yourself permission to say no. You can love your family and still set boundaries. Saying no doesn’t mean rejection — it means choosing balance and emotional health for your home and your marriage.

Want to strengthen your communication before the holidays?

If you’d like some extra support in strengthening your communication and connection so that you can go into the holidays strong, check out my Communication in Marriage Masterclass.

In this online course, you’ll learn practical tools to:

• Stay calm and clear during conflict, communicating your thoughts effectively

• Listen to your partner without getting defensive or shutting down

• Make joint decisions that honor both of your needs

• Build connection — even in seasons that are higher stress

Click here to learn more about the Masterclass on Communication